Are you smiling today?

Today I started off on the right foot. It is only 8:40 am and I have been awake 5 hours, not by choice of course. I spent most of Sunday with a whopping fever of 104, and spent the majority of Monday sleeping and watching movies, so the ole body decided that it didn't need any more rest.

What sparked my desire to post this morning was an interesting conversation that I started with myself and decided to delay because I wanted to do it all in one go so that I don't forget anything.

(Yes, a conversation with myself. No, I cannot excuse it by pointing fingers at a fever or an abnormally early rise today. It is my way of thinking. As an only child who never had anyone to bounce ideas off of it seems like talking to yourself is the only route to go. The way it works is I make up a hypothetical scenario in my mind based on something that pops into my head. I then have a 2nd party ask me about it and argue against me while I try to rationalize and defend my position...I don't have the conversations out loud, but in my mind...because that would just be weird...and I don't instigate them either, they just happen.)

Anyways, this morning I was reflecting on how happy I was the two weeks or so after graduation, that I was very joyful. I attributed it to the freedom from the burdens of school, the book I had just started and the prospect of reading many more, and the time I got to spend gardening for my job. The book was Serve God, Save the Planet. It helped me process and analyze to own trends and actions in a way the was more in depth that I had previously. Earlier, my opinions on simplicity and consumption were honed in on only a few areas of my life. After reading the book I have been trying to uncover all of the areas that I had previously told myself were already as streamline as they could be, and re-examine them.

The beginning of this morning's conversation started with the 2nd party asking "Are you happy?" "Not as happy as I was a few weeks ago," I thought. "But I am not unhappy. I am contented and peaceful. I am enjoying what I am doing, but I don't always have a smile on my face to show it. Should I always be trying to be happy?" (That is as far as I went this morning but will now continue outside of quotes) Or is that what leads us down roads of hallow pursuits and self-indulgences? When I think of people I have known who constantly have a smile on their face, I remember that it is harder to take them seriously. They might seem less genuine, or even mentally vacant. It is obviously natural to go through high and lows. But if we can avoid lows without shirking responsibilities, should we constantly be striving for 100%-all the time- bliss and joy. Is being happy also draining emotionally, so we settle back into a medium to rest? I think about heaven and think will it be all joy, all the time. And if so, then we should strive for the same here? It is clear that Jesus wasn't all smiles 24/7. So perhaps my answer is there. Perhaps, the question was stupid to begin with, but it would be a shame if you didn't exercise our intellect ever now and again. It would be even more shameful if we assumed that some things were too mundane to pay heed to and didn't challenge our basic everyday assumptions.

I now must go to the doctor to get diagnosed for what is almost certainly strep throat.